Rule #99: Encourage Your Daughter to Date a Carny


I'll always be there to hold your hair back as you puke after I spin ya on the Tilt-a-Whirl if ya know what I mean.

Your teenage daughter reminded you the other day about several of her friends who are traveling in Europe this summer. And she, of course, is not.

There are a number of reasons for this, not the least of which is you do not trust people from other states, much less people from Europe or “Europeans” as many are called by people who try to be all superior.

While you recognize that travel was an important part of your social development, especially the summer you smuggled cod and dope across the Canadian border in a Pinto, you do not have the funds to allow your child to experience “culture.”

What you do have, however, is the carnival in town.

Which means you have the perfect opportunity to play matchmaker for your daughter and the free-spirited and clean-living gentlemen who work as carnies.

If you make the rounds on the first night of the local carnival, you should have the pick of the litter for your daughter. Once a carnie begins his old-fashioned courtship, which often involves discounted funnel cake, countless rides on the Matterhorn, and a free behind-the-scene tours of the goat tent, your daughter will be officially smitten.

She’ll also forget all about Europe and, if lucky, get to travel with her new paramour to carnivals and county fairs in an array of exotic locales in super-store parking lots.


  1. I married a clown. Take that, Dad.

  2. lola says:

    Is dating the owners son of the fair considered in this too??

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