Rule #97: Grow Weed With Your Children


Come on, dad. If we're going to run a profit on this motherfucker we're going to need a bigger patch than that.

We’re all about character-building experiences, especially during the summer.

We’ve even heard stories about right-thinking parents who have put their kids to work mowing lawns for seniors in the neighborhood, working at farmer’s markets and, of course, there’s the requisite lemonade stand that always looks great in family photo albums.

These pursuits are wonderful and wholesome…but they produce chump change.

Instead, consider a summer pastime that’s about getting your child’s hands dirty and making serious coin: growing a cash crop of hearty weed.

It’s a horticultural lesson with a sprinkling of black-market economics and mob danger. (And we dare you to say “black-market economics and mob danger” to your 10 year old and not have him grin like a cute pirate with happy gas.)

For those of you who don’t live in California or the District of Columbia, you might be saying, “Yes, I like the idea immensely, especially because the weed I’ve been getting from Wayne the Weed Man has been particularly shitty of late. But I seem to recall that growing, harvesting and selling weed is illegal. Did I miss something?”

Other than your wife’s last six birthdays, no, you haven’t missed anything.

But, really, what could go wrong?

After all, if things go south because your neighbor squeals, blame the kids: They’re too young to do time, and the short stint they have in juvenile detention will give you an opportunity to get away to Daytona with your bride since you did, in fact, forget your anniversary, too.

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