Rule #104: Feed Your Child Soap

feed child soap

After the initial sting you'll start to get numb to the pain. Just like real life.

We’ve heard about barbaric parents who have “washed their child’s mouth out” with soap for any number of verbal infractions.

But this is like inserting a Lego in your puppy’s ass for soiling your carpet…which doesn’t work, as we’ve learned through, um, friends who have told us as much. (Seriously, we don’t even own Legos.)

Feeding your kid soap is a kinder, gentler form of punishment. It can be used for any number of transgressions (rudeness, poor grades, trying to stuff Legos up your puppy’s ass), yet we’ve found it works best when used in conjunction with a clean soul.

For example, if your child has shown his dark side at any point in the day, he’ll know that bath time will be a special treat.

Say something like, “You know, Timmy, mommy and daddy like it when you have clean, arms and legs and face, but God likes it when you have clean insides, too. And the only way to be clean inside and have a pristine soul is to eat this scented soap that smells like church.”

Timmy might resist but remind him it could be worse: He could be your puppy.

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