Rule #86: Get Matching Mother-Daughter Tattoos

tramp stamp

I know it's a little high for the tramp stamp you wanted, but it's totally going to sag down to your ass eventually.

Ink on young skin is sexy. Ink on old skin is sexy, too.

Well, provided the light is right and the guy with the toothy grin and nice watch at the end of the bar keeps filling your glass and telling you 45 years old has never looked so damned good on anyone.

Which prompts you to adjust yourself by moving things around that usually didn’t require tending to a decade ago.

You then smile sheepishly and say, “Is that so? Well, I did a little baton twirling back in the day, and they say being fit never really leaves you. It’s like I have a space-age polymer woven beneath my skin.”

Which prompts the guy with the toothy grin and nice watch to say, “I mean, if you had a tattoo or something, I’d swear you were some kind of co-ed.”

And so, it is written in the law of trickle-down bad moves that you must now get a tattoo with your teenage daughter, because wouldn’t it be cool to have matching butterflies on your shoulders to express some familial solidarity and show the world that you both possess the same carefree DNA?

Some people who claim to be “decent” with abundant “home training” might say that getting matching tattoos with your teenage daughter is the same as saying, “Look at us, what we may lack in brains, we make up for in trashiness,” but that’s not entirely fair. There are benefits to having matching tattoos with your teenage daughter, including:

1. Mistaken identity: Most guys, especially those wearing sexy soap-opera eye patches, will think you’re either best friends or twins.

2. Fashion bonding: You can shop at Wal-Mart for the same terrycloth tube tops.

3. Ice breakers: During those times when your daughter is feeling moody, disengaged or otherwise crummy, you can say things like, “Hey, is your tat all itchy and inflamed?”

4. Bar tricks: You can encourage your daughter to come out of her shell and entertain others. Show her how it’s done: “Look, Sarah, if you watch the beads of sweat on mommy’s shoulder, it looks like my butterfly tattoo and Fidel Castro are French-kissing. Isn’t that cool? If you work on sweating a little, I bet you could get your butterfly to look like it’s making out with Nick Jonas. Don’t worry, honey, I won’t be jealous. We’re just a couple of young, fun-loving girls just trying to figure out this great big world.”

Comments

  1. Lynda says:

    When my daughter turned 18 we did get matching tats- they are however tasteful and I am a young mother so I can still get tats without looking like an old washed out crony!

  2. Jaime says:

    I think this is crap! I mean yaeh some people go out and get some really lame matching tattoo’s that thing think might be cool at the time, but when it means something to the parent and child, its a little different.

  3. robin says:

    whoever wrote this is trashy & disrespectful. who are you to say anything negitive about mother/daughter bond. you obviously arent a mother or a daughter or had a bad childhood. SRY. I have 2little girls & i would be open to getting matching tatoos with them. i love them, theyre my heart. That dosent mean Id wear what they do as teenagers(im a mother, I dress like a mother) that dosent mean I would go to any bar with my girls like i was their age. im not & that to the extent that you portrayed is trashy. speaking on behalf of any mother with backbone…. go to hell.

  4. Jaime says:

    Wow! I’m amazed how some people don’t understand that this is humor web site. Don’t take any of it seriously! Most of the articles are “trashy”, but they are meant to be taken as a joke. I don’t think it takes much of a backbone to anonymously tell people to go to tell. Sheesh, chill out.

  5. Ann says:

    This is complete bullsh*t on the internet

  6. Lisa says:

    I don’t know what made me laugh more; the article or the folks up in arms about it. Don’t get inked with your kid!!! I don’t care how young you were when you had them. Some parents don’t know the meaning of the word boundaries. LMAO

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