Rule #69: Transport Your Child in a Hamster Ball

in Mental,Rules of Parenting

Hey, at least it's better than the leash, right?

He has your husband’s squinty eyes and nervous disposition and, to make matters worse, he’s always running around like some kind of toddler…or twitchy rodent from the hamster family.

Which is natural, because your son is a toddler.

But, damn, it’s a nuisance—not to mention a tremendous responsibility. You can lessen the hassle and add to the fun by allowing your active child to “move freely” inside the friendly confines of a giant hamster ball.

Kids Like It, Too!

Oh, sure, every naysayer will badmouth the concept, noting that a giant plastic ball with holes poked in it for air is unwieldy and cramped. But have you ever seen a hamster not having fun inside one of these things? It’s always a party.
Better yet, it’s a wonderful parenting tool whose benefits include:

Safety. You’ve tried leashing your toddler, but you get odd stares, and your son even showed a penchant for sniffing other toddlers and lifting his leg at inappropriate times. A giant hamster ball, on the other hand, complete with 2-inch-thick plastic, will shield your child from harm’s way, including the bottles and hard fruits others may toss at him through immaturity and jealousy.

Cleanliness. It’s a dirty world, and do you really want your toddler mucking around in it among the great unwashed? A plastic ball will keep him germ-free, even as he rolls through department stores, public transportation and down the aisles of most carpeted churches.
Noise Reduction. It’s hard to hear inside a giant hamster ball. Which means that Junior won’t hear you cuss like a Somali pirate when you run out of smokes or realize that your TV Guide subscription just elapsed.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Silly Dad April 30, 2010 at 8:34 am

Well, I have to say, it sure will make getting them down the stairs – or should I say out the 3rd floor window – a lot easier.
However, have you ever seen how the inside of the hamster ball gets all cloudy and muddy with the mix of urine and feces? Since I have already adopted rule #48, I can see this as being a real problem. But, it’s nothing a high powered hose inserted into one of the air holes can’t handle, so… I’m in!

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Cracked Mum June 17, 2011 at 9:02 am

Hamster ball bandwagon here I come! In order to save money and reduce my level of consumption, I think I will just put all my children in 1 hamster ball. This way they will learn important conflict management skills as they try to decide which way to roll.

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